For Thatcher

You came to us
in the waning days of winter
but you, my son, are a child of a
different season.
Hair full of fragrant white sunshine,
eyes brimming with deep wonderment,
steel blue of the early morning ocean
and bubbling from you lips
is joy, sweetly musical
like tinkling wind chimes
in the breezy afternoon shade.
I wish for you a lifetime of summers.
Blow dandelions, revel in the freedom
of long, lazy days
that turn magical with fireflies at moonrise.
Shine always,
my son.

This Is Why

Today was...difficult.

Most days are easy. Most days, my kids are fun and (relatively) well-behaved and I truly enjoy my time with them.

Today was not that.

Today we were stuck at home all day waiting for contractors, which is already a recipe for trouble with an almost five year old and a one year old. My son is teething, so every time I sat down he wanted to crawl all over me and pull my boobs out. My daughter was cranky after a poor night's sleep, and everything was a crisis spawning endless whining, crying, and tantrums. Literal fodder for day drinking, all before 10AM. 

Then I took a phone call imparting frustrating (family) news, and from there everything took a huge dump. Literally. My son stuck his hand in his shitty diaper while I was changing him, and then tried to put it in his mouth. Seriously.

In an attempt to lighten the storm cloud over my day, I thought it would be nice to take the kids out for a bike ride. After getting everyone all saddled up, helmets on and ready to ride, I realized my bike had a flat tire. When I took the kids inside to regroup, my son spilled paint that had been left behind by the contractors. After a quick clean up I decided to load them up and go for a walk on our favorite trail, only to discover yesterday's lunch leftovers still in the backseat of the car.

No. Fucking. Winning. I even found an heirloom tomato in my trunk that had rolled out of the bag after a shopping trip earlier this week. And when we finally arrived at our destination, it was too windy to enjoy a walk so we had to turn back. I was beyond frustrated, but determined to beat my curse. We took a leisurely detour on our way home and took in some new scenery. We stopped at the store to buy some glitter glue.

My husband came home, and I had a (few) (well-deserved) cocktail(s). He was being light and silly in an attempt to soften me, and it (the whiskey) was certainly beginning to chip away at my frustration. 

But then something happened.

My son, who is rolling up on 14 months old, did something he has never, ever done. My boy, who walked at 9 1/2 months and waved bye-bye at 6 months and says "Mama" and "oh no!" and "woooow!" did a new, wonderful thing.

He kissed me.

For the very first time, he came up to me and said "mmmmmm," and opened his mouth in true baby fashion as he put his mouth over mine and said "muahhhhh."  

And I cried.

I cried because that was the thing I didn't know I needed today but I was so desperate for. When everything was wrong, when the world was seemingly plotting against me and my voodoo doll was about to bust her weathered seams, my baby kissed me and erased it all.

This is what it's all about. This is why we are resigned to walking around in stretched out t-shirts and yoga pants, the shell of the women we once were, with messy buns and no makeupy, unapologetically yelling at our kids in the check out line, running on 4 hours of breastfeeding "sleep" while we cancel plans with our friends as we try to figure out what the fuck to make for dinner with chicken AGAIN that our kids will staunchly refuse to eat.

This is why. This is everything.

And if you read this on a day when you think you understand how that one mom drove off a cliff with her kids in the car (just kidding) (sort of) and it makes you tear up a little...thank you for being in my tribe. We're killing it. And one day we'll sip chardonnay and wax nostalgic on these days.

Or not. Either way, we earned it.